My mom

I have blogged about the day my mother was killed in a car accident on my myspace, but I haven't said too much of it lately and not yet on here. On June 10,2008 my mom was in a real bad accident where she hit a telephone pole. It was a shock to my system so much that I felt like I was in a daze for a while. Kind of like it was real but yet it wasn't at times and she was going to call me any day and say "Jess, this is mom, how are you hon?" Mom and I didn't always see eye to eye on a lot of things, but she was still my mom and I miss her more and more all the time. Today my brother put me, him and my stepdad on a 3 way call so my step dad could read us the coroners report. Apparently he just got it last week. He read that when the squad got there she was alive and speaking but died in the helicopter ride to the hospital in Philladelphia. I have no idea where she was at spiritually, she was somewhat resistant to the gospel, but not in a way like others to where they would argue with you, she would just go along with you and do the opposite and disagree occaionaly(mainly when she was around HER MOTHER!) As he continued to try to read the report, it was all kind of confusing, but I think I understood more of the medical stuff than he did. It just becomes more real each and every day and especially when others speak of her. Mainly my brother, I can't seem to get my little sister, who is only 15 to talk. My brother was wanting to know what all the toxicology report said. Mom was known to be on alot of medications and you just never know what she took that day. Aparently there were 7 different medications in her system, WOW. And I thought taking my thyroid medication, stuff for headaches, and allergy shots was alot. I did somewhat expect that she would have alot in her system. It wouldn't have been like mom not to. For those of you who read this and don't know the situation, she was also suffering from colon cancer, but was in remission at the time of the accident and had severe problems with her back. Those are some of the reasons for all the meds. After she died, I had alot of feelings of guilt for times when we would get into it and I wasn't as loving as I should have been. We had actually been getting along a little better at that time, but not completely mended I felt. So that is some of the reason for this post. YOU SHOULD NEVER NAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED! Maybe in the back of your mind you might think that there is always more time and you will get over your sinfulness some day, but don't feel like it today. That was me. My dad died about 5 years ago and I took it much better, but still had alot of regrets and miss him also. You just never know what God has planned and I know he's working all things for our good even if we don't like them at the time. So never take anyone for granted cause you could get a phone call at any moment saying they died, as I did with both of my parents. NO WARNING! And no time to prepare at all. WHAM! Your parents are DEAD! That sucks! Excuse my language, but that's how I felt. I know how much that hurt and tore me up and I can't even imagine what it must feel like to lose a spouse or a child. I have a dear friend in my life whom I am so thankful to God for. She is just awesome and such a good example to me. She lost her son, and without warning too. I was there that day and I really thought he was going to be ok, I guess God had other plans and it was so sad, but she was so strong and leaned on God's love, his word, his grace. She is the BOMB! LOVE YOU KELLY! I use to hesitate when bringing up any memory of him, for fear I would make her cry, but she has told me to never be afraid to speak of Jacob. What a special little boy he was. I have so many sweet memories of him. Isn't it just so awesome for God to put someone like her in my life to help me through times like these. Thanks be to GOD!